It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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