I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
