If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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