Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
