I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
from now on my penis is your penis
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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