I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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