Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
