Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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