Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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