Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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