you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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