i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
