is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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