nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
did you just send me my own nude
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
