Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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