i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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