So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
