I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
