haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just high enough for therapy.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
