your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
