Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
