Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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