im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
