yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
