He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
