I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
