I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
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