he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
