Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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