tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
