Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Randomize
