its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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