I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
