Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
