Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Rumble strips road head = magical
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
