A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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