Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
operation harelip BJ is a go
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
