Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
