Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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