I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
