Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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