what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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