his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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