I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
