he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Panties = found
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
