I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I had to cum in my sink.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
