I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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