I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
