I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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