hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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