Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
