but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
