I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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