We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
