i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
This baby is an asshole
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
