did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
