i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
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I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
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We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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