I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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