You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize