you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
