two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
