hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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