i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
