if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
