direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
