Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
