I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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